It's Good To Be The Queen, Especially When You're A Drama Queen! [entries|friends|calendar] Jen [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

[22 Apr 2008|06:27pm] [ mood | contemplative ] [ music | FFIX: Melodies of Life, the Layers of Harmony ]  I always feel a bit guilty the way I've neglected this journal. I always have the good intention of coming here and telling everyone what I've been upto, but I get caught up in my life and the next thing I know 6 months have gone by. I don't think I've spoken to any of you in the past year and it makes me kind of sad since there was once a time when I cherished your friendship so much that I didn't think there would ever be a time I wouldn't want to chat with you. Not that your friendship isn't important to me, it was the only thing that kept me going sometimes, but it's important to me for that reason. When I met most of you 5 years ago it was at a time in my life that I really needed to put the breaks on, take a few steps back and examine my life and where it was going. I was a real mess back then, my marriage was empty, my children were screwing up and refusing to listen to reason, and I was a borderline agoraphobic.  The friendships I had developed online were a real lifeline for me, even though some would say that I spent most of our conversations listening and giving advice, at the time I really needed someone to listen to me and appreciate my advice. There were a few who were directly responsible for helping me break free and head in the right direction, and most of them will probably never read this entry, but I hope they know who they are and what they did, and know how much I love them for it, and always will, even though we do not speak anymore. At the time I thought the friendships I discovered online would always be there and always be of the upmost importance, but as time went by and I started to get back to my life, and started fixing what was wrong with it, I realized that those friendships were important, but they were also temporary. They were stepping stones back to where I needed to be, helping me, supporting me, guiding me, and being there when I needed them most. However, when I got back on the right path, I didn't need them anymore, and they seemed to be content with not being needed. I hope all of you know that just because you are not needed doesn't make your friendship meaningless to me, it means everything to me. What have I been doing? Well, I had my second anniversary at my job, and I've gone back to school to finish my degree. I hold an Associates degree in Accounting right now, so I've decided to go for my Bachelors. I'm attending to University of Phoenix, which works around my schedule but still allows me to go to school full time. Christopher took the test for the GED, so hopefully he will get that, and he's working full time. He and his sister have gotten an apartment together and so both are out of my hair. Donna is trying to get into the Navy, which is the best thing for her, if she can get them to overlook her past. Mathew has started actually trying in school and is now earning credits, which is a big improvement over last year when he would tell his teachers, "I don't do work..." with a big smile on his face. Nothing like being told off with a smile, but at least he's doing better now. Jolene is as smart as ever, and will soon be in 7th grade! Who said she was allowed to grow up so fast?! She's even taller than me already, sheeesh. Don and I have been working on our marriage and it seems to be going very well now that he's started to support me. In fact every thing is going very well right now, I haven't been this happy in a very long time, and all I can think about it, is: well, it's about time! I wouldn't be suprised if this is my last entry, but I think it's best if I just keep moving forward. I don't want to say for sure that this is goodbye, because I hate the thought of leaving anyone behind, but I don't want to promise again that I am going to be here, and have another year go by. I hope you are all happy and well, and that everything is going for you as well as it is for me.  Love you all always, Jen 4 Thoughts What do you think?

Oh man, I am soooooo tired! [04 Oct 2007|10:34pm] [ mood | sleepy ] I had every intention of coming on and posting tonight, maybe let you in on all the things that I've been up to for the past year, but we processed the payroll today and I've been working so hard all week trying to meet the deadline that I am way too tired to spend to much time here. I will try to get back to it this weekend.  What do you think?

Knock Knock [26 Sep 2007|09:18pm] [ mood | cheerful ] [ music | How To Save A Life - The Fray ] Remember me? It's been a long time, I know, but I wanted to stay away at first, just to prevent myself from getting into any more trouble. Then I just got very busy, and I wanted to come back, meant to comback, but life stepped in and I accepted the dance. Everything is going so well for me right now, I can't even begin to explain it all. I made it through my year of probation, so I am no longer in any danger of being terminated on a whim, and since my work is so good they have no reason there to get rid of me. Donna, Chris, Chris, and Chris all moved out (not at the same time) and now the only children at home are Mat and Jolene, and Don and I are getting along better every day. Anyway, hope to chat with you all soon, and I will do my best to find time for you here. Friday they are coming to install my wireless connection, so doing things online won't take soooooooooo long anymore. :) 4 Thoughts What do you think?

An Idle Jen Is The Devil's Workshop... [12 Jun 2006|05:16pm] [ mood | embarrassed ] [ music | A Perfect Circle - Pet ] OMG OMG OMG!!! Ugh, I seem to really know how to get myself in a lot of trouble! ;__; Seems that even though I made my last journal entry on my off time while waiting for a ride home it was caught by the people in Technology and reported to my boss! Not only my boss, but my boss' boss, and my boss' boss' boss! That's a lot of bosses! So yeah, I was taken into the back office, given forty lashes, and sent back to my cubicle to contemplate my behavior! No, I'm kidding, it wasn't that bad, they just informed me that even if I am not working I shouldn't be using the computer for such activities, but he did indicate he read my journal, which is totally embarrassing, because now he knows that I punched that poor boy, and it's my own fault because I tattled on myself in my journal! ;___; I guess it's good that I had already gone to him on Wednesday and apologized for hitting him like that. Even if I was just playing around I know that I stepped over the line when I hauled off and hit him like that. Anyway, they asked me to edit my journal a bit so if you ever reread the entry you may notice that certain names and places have been deleted. It's amazing that I can find myself in these jams, the only thing saving my ass right now is the fact that I am an exceptional worker who loves my job. If I weren't so good I would be out the door, and I know it. I have to find a way to keep myself busily occupied so I can keep my nose clean. 4 Thoughts What do you think?

Wow time sure flies by... [07 Jun 2006|04:55pm] [ mood | optimistic ] [ music | Aenima - Tool ] I started this entry on the 20th of May and I am just now getting back to it, sheesh. Anyway, work is going so great, I just had my second evaluation and my boss is pleased with my progress, that I have learned my job in quick time and more than ready to take on some new responsibilities. The only thing I have to say to that is, well it's about time. Had an incident with one of my co-workers on Monday, everyone was under the gun because we were running our 10th of the month payroll and nobody was done, I didn't have a ride home until 5 so I asked Fran if I could work the extra 2 hours and get paid for it and since everyone was behind she agreed. Unfortunately, a young co-worker of mine worked through his lunch hour and didn't inform her that he was on overtime as of 3:00 p.m. so when she found out she was fuming and told him to log off and go home. He kept pointing at me saying, what about her, why does she get to stay? and I turned around and said because I asked her first! Then (I swear to God) I punched him in the shoulder! ;__; Of course, I could have been fired for if either my boss or he had gotten upset about it, thank the Lord neither one of them is like that. Fran just burst out laughing and he was in such shock he didn't know what to do. Poor baby, he's really a good kid, I should be nicer to him, it's not his fault I was PMSing. Anyway, other than beating up on the young men in my workplace and impressing my supervisors with my abilities not much has been happening on this end of the world. Don is overworked and underpaid, and I mean that quite literally. He was going over the hours he worked and his pay stubs and he figures they've shorted him close to $600! That and they seem to be holding on to his mileage check which is closer to $1000! Don't these people understand we need our money? We are looking to by Don a motorcycle just so that I can have my car back and be able to get back and forth to work without having to ask people to give me a ride home. It sucks having only one vehicle, but hopefully if we can get the money that is owed Don we can take it and buy something affordable. He has another mileage form to submit that is around $500 so hopefully we can find something that will last awhile. Both Donna and Chris have gotten jobs for the summer so that should keep them out of trouble. Chris Armstrong (Donna's boyfriend) is working again but apparently not getting paid, hmmmmmm. Well, he says he wil be paid when the job is done, so we shall see. Chris Leonard is working at the Stockton Arena but his hours are sparadic and I feel he should either demand that he is given more hours or look for a job that will garantee him 40 hours a week, or at least close to that. I don't want much, I just want them to get on their feet so that I won't be feeding them forever, they are expensive to feed, you know. Mathew is still not on his proper medication, the doctor who was suppose to evaluate him and prescribe it called in sick that day and on the day we rescheduled so I have no idea when his appointment is, I have to ask Don if it's been rescheduled again. I hope it's soon, the boy is driving me mad with his behavior. Jolene is happy to be on summer vacation, but not all has been well for her. Her cat Fuzzy had 4 kittens, and 3 of them have died. :(  She cried so hard when the first one left us, and the second one as well. The third one started to act listless like the first 2, so when he died two days later she seemed prepared and told me rather matter-of-factly that Blacky had died. I am sad for her, and for the babies, it breaks my heart when they die especially when I don't know why they are dying. I can only speculate that they weren't completely formed on the inside that they died so soon after birth, but really, only God knows why. Other than that, I can't say too much is going on, I think the only thing I really need now to make my life feel complete is a maid to clean up after me! :D What do you think?

Hi Everyone [29 Apr 2006|07:52pm] [ mood | accomplished ] [ music | Tool - Ticks And Leeches ] Long time no see for a lot of you, almost two years have gone by since I've talked to some of you. I hope you've missed me as much as I've missed the lot of you. I'm sorry I let things fall silent for so long, I just had to much to say and no easy way to say it at the time, so I said nothing at all. Well, I suppose I should give you all an update to make up for it then!   In my last journal entry I told you I had gone and seen my step granddaughter, well my step son and his wife went and had another baby in the mean time, so now I am a grandma all over again with a second grand daughter. Woot! Not that I let anyone call my grandma, being the youngest of the three I get to be Nana. ^^   If you all remember correctly I have 4 kids at home, well now I have 6, but we will get to the other two in a bit. I will start with an update of Donna:   As you know Donna and I had our rough spots, she was on drugs and had OD on alcohol, she had the nerve to punch me in the face because I wouldn't let her use the phone, and she's called me every dirty name in the book. I told her from the moment she started this behavior that if she kept it up when she was 18 she'd be out the door. She didn't seem to care between the time she was 14 and and 17 and 1/2 what I had to say, but boy what an improvement on her life she made a month before she turned 18! It was such an amazing turn around, you would never believe the miracle that happened! (Yes, this is all sarcasm for all you sarcastically impaired people.) Anyway, she got off the drugs, started going to school again (is actually doing work while she is there and might even graduate before she's 20), is helping me around the house, and has learned to be respectful. I suppose the thought of living on the street didn't agree with her to well. We now have fun times together, we joke around, and we love to go shopping together and hang out. As long as she always remembers that I am the alpha bitch I think we will do just fine.   Christopher is also doing better than he was before. Between 14 and 16 he was completely rebellious in a passive aggressive way. We'd sit him down and he would agree with everything we tell him, promise to do better, and to listen and go to school. Then we wouldn't see him for 2 months. He didn't go to school in those two years and it was one of the most frustrating things to deal with. We asked for help from the school and from the police but they threatened to throw Don in jail because Christopher wasn't in school. Some help that is, so we ended up just hiding the fact that he was living with us since we couldn't get him to mind us. Then when his sister straightened up, he did too. I guess I should count my blessings that the boy is such a followerer in that repsect because it looked like he was going to end up as an adult with an 8th grade education. He's finally going to school and doing so well at it, I am terrible though, and remind him that if he'd been going all along he'd be over half way done by now. He's just beginning to realize how hard he's made his own life, but he didn't want to listen before or thought we were lying so he never heeded anything we said. *Sigh*. Oh well, I found out that he's terrified of me, lol, I found this out because we were discussing the merits of going into the military in this day and age. I told him that I didn't go into the military when I was his age (ugh, I said it again >_<) because I didn't believe in combat. He said that I wouldn't ever have to fight, all I would have to do is yell at the Iraqi army and they would flee before me! Lol, I never realized how much he hated it when I yelled at him, lol or how much he cowered when I did. I'll have to do it more often. xD   Mathew, well where to begin with him, there is no telling. My biggest problem with Mat is that I know that he has certain disabilities that get in the way of normal behavior, but where that line actually falls there is no telling. I mean I know he's hyper active and that he's easily distracted due to his ADHD, however, does that mean he has to skip around, talk in a high pitched sing song voice, and flail his arms like a loon? I got so frustrated with his behavior one day that I yelled at him, "Will you quit acting like a fag and go do your homework!?!" Then I felt terrible, because what if he decides he's homosexual and now doesn't want to tell me? That boy is going to need so much therapy when he's older because of me. :( Are new health insurance is going to kick in tomorrow so I am going to get him back to Dr. Trayler and back on the right medications to help him act normal. Then I can judge him and his condition better, but right now he's driving me up the fucking wall.   Finally there is Jolene, and OMG, who said she could grow up?!? Who said she could be so stunningly beautiful too!?! I want to know where she got the notion she was allowed to be smarter than her father and me?!? Who??? WHO??? Ugh, sometimes I think God was really mean to me when he gave me exactly what I asked for before she was born. Not wanting to be too greedy, all I asked for was a beautiful little girl with my father's blue eyes. Ha! What the fuck was I thinking when I asked for that? Who knows, but I think God is having a good laugh at me. >.> At least she's smart and loves school. I don't have much of a problem getting her to do her school work like I do the others, and she's pretty well adjusted. A tomboy like her momma, she's into riding her bike, skateboarding, rollarblading, and playing video games. Not always in that order but she's always hanging out with her best friend Johnny while she's doing it. I let the two of them spend the night at each other's houses still, and Don asked me when I was going to stop that. I told him when they stopped covering their eyes during love scenes in movies screaming, "Oooooooh, that's so gross!" About the only thing I could ask out of her that she doesn't already do is to take a shower on a regular basis, but seeing as she's so knocked out pretty maybe I should be happy that she's a filthy mess most of the time.   Now for my two strays that I have taken in, the first one I allowed to live with us about two months ago. It's Donna's boyfriend and he was living in his car when met him. Now he's a very sweet kid but he's not the brightest crayon in the box, if you know what I mean. I felt bad for him, especially since it was still really cold back then, and I couldn't just turn my back on a him and let him rot in his car. So I told them he could stay as long he helped me around the house and worked when he could. *Sigh* I would complain about him but he's the best behaved out of all of them. Lol, yesterday I made breakfast for everyone (not something I normally do) and I went and told them to come eat and Donna came back saying Chris said he'd already eaten. A bit miffed that I spent all that time cooking and it wasn't all going to be eaten I went outside and saw him down the street talking to his buddy. So I yelled as loudly and meanly as I could, "Chris! (uh yeah, another Chris, confusing I know)Get your ass in here right now!" He actully jumped, and I heard him say, "Oh, no!" xD So I went back in the house and waited, and I didn't have to wait long, he came running in with in a minute after I called him. What a good boy, I guess he can stay. I made him eat and he was relieved that I didn't want to beat him or anything. Of course, I also made him mow the lawn so he didn't get off completely, so hey, I did my job.   Then last, but not least, low and behold I have another boy that I have taken in. His name, I kid you not, is Chris. Why every woman decided to name her son Chris back then I don't know, but it seems it's a quite popular name. Anyway, he is also a friend of Donna's and at first she was sneaking him in and letting him sleep on the floor of her room when we had all gone to bed. Well, her father figured out was going on and came and told me and I told her that she had to decide which Chris she wanted to live with because only one could stay. Then of course, I ended up talking to the second Chris (or third if you include my son in the mix) and I can help but have a soft spot for kids with problems. So, I went up to Donna and told her that I was going to kick her ass, and she was all, it's not my fault! I told her it was her fault and she knew very well that it was. I also told her the next stray that she brought home would be sleeping in her spot and she would be out the door as I couldn't afford the kids I have let alone anymore strays. I doubt that she's afraid of my threat, but I really can't afford to feed six kids, what the fuck is wrong with me? *Slaps self*   Well other than all that, Don and I are doing O.K. I haven't killed him yet and I figure that's a good sign. I told him that with me it was going to be to death do us part as I would probably shoot him soon. He is actually getting better at pleasing me so that's good. He takes my feelings into concideration now and he backs me up with the kids too, which is a miracle in itself. It's probably because Daddy didn't run to her defense when I told her she would have to leave at 18 if she didn't shape up that Donna actually cleaned herself up. Otherwise it would have probably been me who had left on her 18th birthday as I wasn't going to live another day with it. So we will be celebrating our 12th wedding anniversary on the 23rd of August, and maybe this time I will have something better to report on that day than I did on the last one I told you about.   I am working now, yup, I have new job working in payroll . I love my job and I am glad that I am there, I fit in perfectly with my co-workers, which I didn't think would ever happen again. I love the work too, it's never boring, as there is so much to learn about the different bargaining units that you have to deal with and with the different retirement systems that you have to maintain for the employees. Plus I am in charge of all the insurance policies through American Fidelity for the entire company so that is something new for me to learn and take care of. I look forward to going to work everyday which is always a plus in the search for happiness.   Anyway, that's all for now, if I think up anything new I'll let you know! ;) I missed you all and look forward to reading your LJs again. Oh, and Happy Birthday Paul! You might have thought I would forget, but I never do! Loves you! :D 3 Thoughts What do you think?

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